...and realized that what I have now, just me, my kids and one very dear friend I would hate to lose, is probably all I'm ever going to have.....and I'm not too sure, sometimes, how long that friendship will last. She has a life, I don't, and I sure don't want to get in the way of that. It just wouldn't be fair.
I guess the sooner I accept things, the better. Doesn't feel especially good, but I think my new reality is just being alone.
Would I like to have more? Sure, who wouldn't. But I just don't see that happening.
I'm not especially good at meeting new people. Has to do with an inferiority complex that goes back decades. I'm basically insecure, not that attractive and on and on and on.
I cry, sometimes, at night, after the kids have gone to bed because I'm just so damn lonely.
It's depressing and for that, I'm seeking outside help.
I hope it helps. What I don't need is to fall into a permanent depressive state. I have kids to care for.
I guess the sooner I accept things, the better. Doesn't feel especially good, but I think my new reality is just being alone.
Would I like to have more? Sure, who wouldn't. But I just don't see that happening.
I'm not especially good at meeting new people. Has to do with an inferiority complex that goes back decades. I'm basically insecure, not that attractive and on and on and on.
I cry, sometimes, at night, after the kids have gone to bed because I'm just so damn lonely.
It's depressing and for that, I'm seeking outside help.
I hope it helps. What I don't need is to fall into a permanent depressive state. I have kids to care for.
13 comments:
There are people you can rely on.
Yes, I know. That's what helps me get through each day. But I still question the longevity. They all have lives that extend way beyond my meager existence. Nothing, except my continuing loneliness, last forever.
Reality.
(It's ok to post comments here right? If so...)
Outside help: good.
Permanent depressive state: bad.
I know you don't like it, but can you accept it?
'outside help' is a good thing.
Being lonely sucks.
I think you'll be fine in time, and will be happy with someone eventually.
Poly: I'm trying, it's difficult.
Jean: If you only knew.
If I only knew?... been alone 10 years (actually, I was alone when I was married).
It has become my choice to be alone. Some are better off that way... I am one of them. You are not.
There will be no one, of that I'm sure.
I haven't been "alone" in more years than I care to count. Not my choice in life styles, but a new reality I have trouble accepting. I do not do well, alone. I have no direction, no meaning.
I feel lost.
You have to search for your meaning in yourself... through your boys, possibly. For now.
More than likely, forever. I have my boys and I have to recognize that's probably all there will ever be. I just need accept and be comfortable with the new reality, tough as that may be.
Why isn't that enough?
You talk like that's your death sentence.
Because it feels like it is.
Thanks Queenie, but I need to learn to be alone.
Post a Comment